Kitchen Goddess: Laganophobia

Son of a muffin top! I've done it again! I've overshot the mark and must now pay the price.

For Piper's 1st birthday on July 27th I resolved to have a "small get-together."  After all, the kid won't remember and it's pretty much for photo ops, right? WRONG. Apparently, you need to order the original square cupcake stand that holds 100 damn cupcakes for your "small get-together." By buying this cupcake stand, you have not just committed to baking eleventy billion cupcakes, but in order to make the entire thing not look totally amateur, you can't just slap on some frosting ghetto-style with a butter knife like you're used to doing. Oh no, you must figure out a way to make it all come together. A) You must have a theme (I chose a beach theme since she was born on an island), B) You must learn how to use a pastry bag, C) You must learn which nozzle to use on said pastry bag, D) You must buy or obtain trim/sand/seashells/sponge/driftwood to accommodate your theme, and E) You must learn how to perfect a homemade buttercream frosting as store-bought frosting from a tub is too thin and will not maintain body and style atop your stupid cupcakes.

It may sound as though I'm playing the victim a bit, and maybe I am.  Perhaps I should seek help. I have a self-inflicted fear of cake.  I suppose there's no better way to overcome a fear than to face it, so come July 27th, LET THEM EAT CUPCAKES!!! CARPE LAGANUM!